I don’t know if I’m the type of person that feels too much or too little.
When my family is supposed to be there for me and act like a family and fail to do so,
is it wrong that it makes me sad the rest of the day?
That I spend a lot of time asking myself if they would care if I was around or not?
Is it bad that I know the answers to these questions already?
Is it bad when my love expresses his love, his care, and his concern for me
I feel nothing?
And that I’m aware I feel nothing,
just his words deflecting off my skin without my ability to control what seeps past
my “tough” exterior.
I want to feel what I can’t and stop feeling what I do.
It’s a never ending inner war I fight with myself on the daily.
All I do feel is I’m spiralling out of control,
as if another person has snuck behind the steering wheel,
now taking the reigns of my life.